It’s that time of year again. The time of year where I get to impart my vast stores of wisdom onto the graduating class. There’s an excitement in the air this time of year! I always enjoy asking students their future plans, and the ever popular, “Are you excited?!” I asked that question of a student the other day and the answer was no.
No?!
No.
It’s so easy for adults to forget what youth is like. But with that “No” I was immediately taken back to my own youth. I remembered DESPISING summer break – and I was one of the few kids that did. There were lots of reasons, but let’s just say that not everyone’s home life is Insta-worthy. School was predictable. School was the fun place. School was the safe place. At school I was able to participate in constructive pursuits that honed my abilities and carve out a role for myself separate from my home life. Going home for the summer meant that I would be surrounded by people who did not see me in this light, and it was miserable.
So, Class of 2025, this message isn’t intended for all of you. But you know who you are. You are the ones who had to camp out on a friend’s couch a time or two……or ten. You’re the ones who had to work, not for gas money, but to put food on the table for your family. The ones who were studying after putting your brothers and sisters to bed. The ones who were taught not to tell anyone outside the family what was going on because then CPS would come. The ones who had to grow up quickly, and who feel totally alone. The ones who made the hard decision to come to school consistently, do the work and get that diploma. It was so much harder for you than for most. I remember because I was once where you are now – and you have my deepest respect.
Here’s the good news. Whether you believe it or not, you are ahead of the game! You have gained those “adulting” skills and survival skills that so many others will be learning in the coming years. You have figured out how to manage so much more than just your Geometry grade. You have grit, determination, and you have been tempered by adversity. If you have gotten to this point, there is NOTHING that you cannot do in the future. And one of the first things that I suggest you do is to create a safe space for yourself. You’re going to have to find a way to create for yourself the stability that school gave you. Find new friends, new activities, new challenges that will allow you to look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “I like who I am, and I like who I am becoming.”
Here’s the bad news. You don’t necessarily have the same resources as other people. Sometimes you will have to make decisions based on two options that are both awful. You also need to understand that if you want something different for yourself, you will need to make different choices from those around you. That’s OK. You won’t win any popularity contests, and you may lose some friends. But new friends will take their place and before you know it you will be in an environment that will allow you to thrive.
My prom night was the first time I had ever been to a real restaurant. The waitress asked me how I wanted my steak cooked. I began to panic. Nobody had ever asked me that before. But I didn’t want to look stupid in front of my date, so I remembered about a passage in a book I had read and confidently answered, “Rare”. Needless to say, I was disappointed when that barely cooked steak was presented. The moral of the story? It’s no crime to not know something. Ask for help when you need it.
On the job, watch your coworkers. Figure out who is successful. Watch and learn! Find a mentor. Learn personal finance and avoid debt, but spring for the EXPENSIVE shoes. They will last longer, and in the long run, cost less.
The more you can learn to do on your own, the less expensive life becomes. You should know how to cook a decent meal from scratch, change your tires, put oil in your car, how to unclog a sink, and so many more adulting skills. How? There is so much free information out there! Your public library is a great place for not only free books, but internet usage, DVD rentals and more. YouTube is a great place to find how-to videos on almost anything.
Remember, your diploma is just as valid as anyone else’s. You are just as capable of achieving great things, and you are just as worthy of having a stable, secure home surrounded by people who care for you. Don’t believe anyone who tells you differently. Keep striving, keep learning, and keep looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, “I like who I am, and I like who I am becoming.”
All the best,
Ms. Ashby
